Getting Over It
by nicoleanna147
Summary: “Edward, please…” I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, now. Had it only been yesterday evening that he had kissed me with such passion? That he had told me that he loved me? He couldn’t do this. Not now.
1. Chapter 1: Leaving

First story ever. Review! I don't own any of this.

BELLA

"Edward…" I could hear my voice, but it didn't feel like me talking

"Bella, no. I can't stay. It'll be better this way. You know what happened with Jasper. We're too dangerous. It's my fault. We're leaving tonight. You'll never see me again. I'm sorry," Edward's calm voice said. Even under the mask he was trying to put on, I could feel the regret, the sorrow.

"Edward, please…" I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, now. Had it only been yesterday evening that he had kissed me with such passion? That he had told me that he loved me? He couldn't do this. Not now.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me." And he was gone.

I looked out into the woods dumbly. How could he just leave me here? How could he even think this would be better? Easier? That I could go on living my life like he was never there? Like I didn't care that he, of all people, could leave. Now all I felt was the anger. I wished he could read my mind. So he could feel the way I did. So he could hurt, too. So he could feel the abandon, the sorrow, feeling worthless and alone, and worst of all, the love. On the last thought I broke down. The sobs racked my body. I fell to the ground, but I didn't feel the pain as the sticks dug into me, snapping from the weight of my body, the jagged ends tearing into my skin. No, I didn't feel anything except the feeling of losing him. Did he not feel the same as I did? How could he blame himself? I lay there in the cold. I must have fallen asleep, because, soon, I didn't feel anything.

"Guys! I found her!" I felt myself being lifted from the ground. Found me? Where was I? Who was this?

I didn't open my eyes. "Edward?" My tongue felt like a giant sponge in my mouth.

"No, Bella, he's not here. It's Sam." Sam Uley? From the reserve? There was anger in his voice. Why was he here? Then it all came flooding back. From my unopened eyes, the tears came flowing back down my cheeks.

My head hurt so bad, and my body ached. "I don't want you. Put me back. Edward will come get me," I protested. My words were slurred, like I had been drinking.

Suddenly, I felt being transferred to someone else's arms. "Bella? Bella?" Charlie? "Bella, it's going to be okay. You got lost on the trail, but it's okay now. We found you." I could hear the tears in his voice. Was he crying too?

"Mr. Swan, I'll carry her back to the house," said Sam.

_No, you will not put me back in his arms. You will not. NO! I don't want him! I want Edward! NO!_ I couldn't find the strength to open my mouth and protest. I felt myself gently being put back in Sam's arms.

He was walking back to my house. _No! I don't want to go there! Don't you understand? He'll never come back when I'm safe!_ He continued walking while I yelled at him from the seclusion of my mind. There was nothing I could do about it now, anyway.

I felt him walk me up the stairs in my house and lay me down. Probably in my bead, but I still hadn't opened my eyes yet. I felt a certain numbness engulf my body, and I remember no more.

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When I woke up I was lying on my bed. I felt confused. Did Edward really leave me? He wasn't sitting in the chair that he always was in when I woke up. He was gone. It wasn't a dream. I was alone. Just then, Charlie came in. he ran to the side of the bed and hugged me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Do you need anything? Tylenol? Orange juice? Water? Bella?" He was crying now, and he still hadn't let go. How could I have done this to him?

"Charlie, I'm okay. Really." Wow. Convincing. "Hey, what time is it?"

"Around five o'clock," he said, pulling away.

I looked at him in disbelief. Ugh, I hadn't slept that long ever.

He must have seen my look, because he said, "You kept waking up screaming last night. You kept yelling for Edward, and asking why he wasn't there. Don't you remember?"

I guess I gave him a look, so he let go of it.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Kinda. Did you eat yet?"

"No, I haven't"

"How 'bout I make us some grilled cheeses?

"That sounds great, but are you up for it?" he gestured to my arms, where the sticks had cut them the worst.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I said. As I stood up, red splotches covered my vision, and I lost my balance.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled, catching me as I swayed dangerously to the side. "Are you okay?"

The red splotches started to fade. "Yeah, just a little vertigo. I'm fine., really." I added when he didn't look too convinced. My poor balance threatened to pull me down the steps a couple times, not helping me convince Charlie that everything was fine. Or, as fine as my life would ever be without Edward.

I had started cleaning up the things from dinner when Charlie said, "Hey, Bells? You don't mind if I go to the station real quick, do you? I need to check up on some things."

"Yeah sure no problem." As long as you don't leave me, and not come back. That won't be the first time someone's left me.

"Really? I don't have to. I can stay here. It's not that important."

"No, Charlie, it's fine. Go." After he left, I cleaned up the kitchen a little. It he tried to cook himself eggs or something for breakfast, but ended up burning them, and leaving the remnants on the pan. Apparently, he abandoned the eggs to eat cereal, so I cleaned his bowl, too.

There were six messages on the answering machine. Charlie usually didn't check them himself, so I usually did that. I figured I might as well listen to them. Secretly, I was only wondering if Edward had called.

"Bella? Hi. It's Angela. I heard Edward left. I'm so sorry. Call me later if you want to talk about it."

"Hey, Bella! It's Mike. I heard Cullen left, and I was thinking, if you were free tomorrow we could-" I deleted his message. It didn't matter to me. Nothing matters anymore.

"Charlie? Hey, it's Billy. How 'bout you come over and watch the game tonight? You might wanna bring some snacks, though, because the kids ate basically every thing here. Bye."

"Yo, Bella. It's Mike again. I was wondering why you didn't call back yet and-" How could he even think that I would date him?

"Hey, Bella" Don't tell me it's Mike again. Maybe if I delete it now… "it's Jacob. Maybe, um, since the bloodsuckers- I mean, the, uh, Cullens are gone, you might wanna, um, come hangout sometime at LaPush? Uh, okay, um, bye." How did _everyone_ know they were already gone? It's not like they talked to anyone besides me.

"Bella. Please don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." I had forgotten about the last message. He makes it sound like he's coming back, even though I knew he wasn't going to. I need him. He needs to come back. In a fog, I stumbled into the living room, and collapsed on the couch, buried my face in the cushion, and cried. I cried until I thought it could go on no longer. I sat up wiped and away my tears. I wasn't going to let this get to me. He couldn't rule my life like this. He couldn't do that to me. Not while he was still gone. But he was. This time, I made it to my room before I broke down again. I couldn't live like this.

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I don't remember when Charlie came home, but I don't care. Nothing matters. Nothing will matter until Edward is here.

I don't remember getting in my pajamas, or climbing into bed, or turning off the light, but all of a sudden I'm laying in my bed waiting. I guess I was waiting for Edward, but I'm not sure why. Slowly the time on the clock slid by. Eleven thirty. Twelve. One thirty. Two. Two ten. He never came that late. I cried.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I looked at the clock, it was seven. School started at seven thirty. Whatever. I'll just go and get there when I get there. No big deal. I got in the shower and turned it on as high as it could go. Since Charlie had already left, he wouldn't need the hot water anyway. Half way through my shower, the water went cold. I finished my shower in the freezing water. For some reason, it made me feel more alive. Maybe I should do it more often. I only wasted fifteen minutes in the shower. I didn't bother with blow-drying my hair. I didn't need to look good for anyone, did I? I brushed my teeth, and looked in the fogged up mirror. My eyes were red from crying, but there was nothing I could do about that, could I? I didn't even bother to try to think of an excuse, because I didn't need one.

I realized that I didn't trip once getting to school that morning. Maybe Edward leaving was a good thing. No. Who was I kidding? I'd rather fall on my butt every day for the rest of my life than live without him.


	2. Chapter 2: Mike and the Movies

_Can I lie and say I own this, even though I don't?_

_The roads were slick with rain. The truck's engine was load enough to drown out my thoughts. At least, until I got into the parking lot. The silence was deafening. He really wasn't there. No. not today. I was going to do this whether he was here or not._

As I got out of my car, I noticed Mike running towards me. "Hey, Bella! You didn't call and-" I kept walking, leaving him behind, not listening to a word he said.

My classes flew by in a haze. They were no different than usual. Nothing was different, because Edward didn't have those classes with me anyway. I was glad for at least something to be normal. Then I walked into third period biology, where an empty seat greeted me. It was all I could do to keep from crying. I sat down at my lab table, wishing I could just melt away into the floor.

"Ah, Miss Swan. It appears that your lab partner has left the school. I can assign you to be in a three person group," Mr. Banner said

"Um, no that's okay. I'll just do it by myself if you don't mind."

"Very well, Miss Swan, but just remember that I can promise you no extra time for you to do your project. It must be handed in by the due date, and no later."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I stammered. For the rest of the class we watched a movie, not that it mattered.

The next class was uneventful. Literature. All they talked about was stuff that didn't even matter. Nothing mattered anymore. The bell rang, signaling the beginning of fifth period lunch. I walked through the busy hallways, shoved my books in my locker, and grabbed the bag of corn chips I had grabbed for lunch. As I walked towards the doors of the cafeteria, I saw Mike waiting there like a golden retriever.

"Hey, Bella, maybe you wanna eat lunch at our table today?" he said as I walked through the doors. I didn't acknowledge him, or make any move to signify that I had even heard what he just said.

"So, like I had mentioned on the phone, uh, maybe you would like to go to-"

"Listen, Mike, and hear me good," my words were hard like steel "I do not want to go ANYWHERE with you. I do NOT want to date you. You can just leave me alone, because I am not interested. Do you understand that?" As soon as I was done, I noticed the whole cafeteria was silent. Great. I walked out of the cafeteria and ate my lunch in one of the girls' bathroom stalls.

I don't remember the last three periods at all. I didn't even notice school was over until I was standing at my truck with my keys in my hand. Well, that was just as awkward as I thought it would be.

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After I got home, I found that Charlie had already gone over to Billy's to watch the game. I thought about doing my homework, or eating something, but I decided against it. Instead, I went upstairs, and flopped on my bed. I just laid there, not doing anything. I laid there for a few hours before I decided to check my emails, because I haven't done that in a couple of weeks. I logged on, and there was over twenty messages. I checked, and they were all from kids from school, I didn't even know that many people knew my email address. That's odd. I opened the first message. It was from Jessica, who was my friend until she found out that I was the only girl who Edward even talked to, then she was my friend just to get closer to him, in hopes that he would realize he liked her better than me.

Bella! How could you turn Mike down like that in front of all those people?!? That was soo mean! I can't believe you would even do that!

Delete.

Hey Bella. It's Angela (duh). I just wanted to let you know that even though most of the school I mad at you, you can still sit at our lunch table.

Delete.

Bella, it's Lauren. How could you be so harsh? I didn't know you had it in you. I guess you're just gonna fall apart without your little Edward, aren't you?

I decided to delete them all. Who needed them, anyway? Why did they care? Why should I care?

I didn't even try to put on a happy face for Charlie when he came home, but he didn't say anything. That's one of the things I like about him. He won't ask without you telling him to. I don't remember cooking dinner, or what we ate. I don't remember doing my homework or going to bed. I just remember lying there, waiting. I'd wait every night if I had to. I'd wait until the end of time if I needed to. And then I woke up.

I took a cold shower that morning. It made me feel more alive, but it didn't have the same effect as before. I got in my car and drove to school. After the same boring first two periods, I headed to biology. Today, we were going to get our assignments for the first major project or the semester. I went in and sat down, ignoring the icy stares I kept getting from the kids around me. As soon as Mr. Banner started talking someone burst through the door.

"Sorry I'm late Mr. Banner. I just came from the office." Oh no, oh no, oh no.

"Very well Mister Newton, but please don't let it happen again. You can have a seat near Bella, over there."

Mike sat down next to me, and greeted me with a smile. "Hey Bella," he said. "isn't it so cool how I got the lady in the registration office to get me into this class with you?"

I returned his smile with a glare, but he didn't appear to notice that I wasn't happy at all. Didn't I tell him yesterday to back off? Did he not get it? I wasn't interested in him!

"Mister Newton, since you are new and Bella doesn't have a partner, why don't you and her pair up?" said Mr. Banner.

"Yeah, sure Mister B! That sounds great!" Uh, no. Not great, Mike.

"Um, what happened to me working alone, Mr. Banner?" I asked.

"Well, I thought it would be just fine if you and Mike paired up for this," he explained.

"But, I liked it better when I was working alone," I mumbled. Mr. Banner was already walking away. Great, just great.

"So, Bella…" I turned my head to look at Mike, with an icy glare plastered on my face. "I was thinking maybe you could come over my house tonight, for, you know, a 'study' date while my parents are gone. I could order a pizza or something." Oh no. How could I back out of this now? Suddenly, I remembered Jacob's phone call.

"Actually, Mike. I'm going to the movies tonight with this guy Jacob," I said. I could just call and ask Jake later.

"Oh, that guy from LaPush? Yeah I remember him. Hey, I'll come too." No, no, no! That isn't what I had planned.

"Uh, well, Mike," I stammered

"Don't worry, I'll pay for my own ticket. I'll pick you up at seven. See you later, Bella!" he called over his shoulder as he was walking out the door.

"But Mike-" I started to say, but he was already gone.

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"Hey. Jacob?" I said into the phone.

"Oh, hey Bella! What's up?"

"Um, I was wondering if you wanted to come see a movie tonight? With me and this guy Mike?"

"Yeah, cool. What time?" he asked

"Uh, well, he's gonna pick us up at seven."

"Well, how 'bout I meet you guys there?"

"Yeah, sure. Wait, you can drive?"

"Well, on the reserve, we don't really need licenses. All that much"

"Oh, okay. Well, bye."

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Mike came at exactly seven o'clock. I opened the door, and he was standing on the porch. "Hey, Bella," he said

"Yeah, hi," I replied.

"So you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Cool," he said. He was still standing there, mist from his breath floating into the cold night sky.

"So, should we get in your car…?"

"Oh, yeah."

As we walked to the car, he tried to hold my hand. I crossed my arms to keep that from happening, but I guess my body didn't agree with that idea, because I slipped on the grass and fell forward onto my face.

"Bella, are you okay?" asked Mike.

"Yeah, lets just go."

He opened the car door for me. And waited for me to Buckle my seat belt. Then he closed the door, and walked around to the driver's side of the car.

He took the back roads to get to the movie theater. Suddenly he pulled over. I looked around.

"Uh Mike?" I said, confused.

"Shhhh… Bella…" he whispered. He reached over grabbed my arm, and pulled me closer.

"Mike…"

Now he was leaning in. Oh no! He moved his other arm onto my back and pushed me closer. Oh my gosh! Oh no. I had to stop this.

"Mike, no." I said. He just looked up. "Mike, I've told you before, and I'll tell you again: I DO NOT like you. If you try to do that again, I will get out, and walk there myself."

He looked offended, but he turned back to the road and started driving again. Good. Maybe he finally gets it.

When we got to the movie theater, Jacob was waiting for us by the doors. "Hey Bella!" he said, as he wrapped me in a giant bear hug. I saw Mike give him a jealous glare. "Let's go watch the movie!"

After we got into the theater and the movie started, Mike reached over to grab my hand. I crossed my arms like I did when we left my house. But he left his hand facing upwards on my armrest, and when I looked over Jacob was too. Ugh. Boys.

After the movie was over, and we were going to leave I told mike that I would ride wish Jacob instead.

"Mike, I've hardly seen Jacob at all, I'd like to talk to him," I said.

"Fine. I'll see you later, Bella," Mike said, obviously hurt that I wouldn't ride home with him.

When Jacob's car pulled into my drive way, Jacob turned to face me. "Bella," he said. "I need to tell you something."


	3. Chapter 3: More Secrets

**Still don't own it, but I will. No, I lied. I probably won't own it ever.**

"**Bella, I need to tell you something."**

"**Sure, Jake. Whatever."**

"**Um, Bella, I'm kinda a werewolf." You'd think that I'd laugh at this joke. But I'm the girl who hangs out with vampires, for god's sake, and this sure as heck was not a joke.**

"**Awesome…" Even though I'm not too surprised by this, that doesn't mean I don't know how to respond. "That's, uh, really cool, Jake."**

"**And Bella, I guess that's okay, because, since the Cullens are gone and all, we can still hang out 'n stuff. Right?"**

"**Yeah. Right. Uh huh." Way to add salt to the wound, Jacob. Way to go.**

"**Hey," said Jacob. "They're having this bonfire tomorrow night, and maybe you'd like to go with me?"**

"**Yeah, sure. Sounds cool."**

"**Great." We got out of the car and walked up the steps. "Hey Bella?"**

"**Yeah, Jake?" Don't say Cullen, please don't say Cullen…**

"**That guy Mike wasn't supposed to come, was he?"**

"**No, Jake. He wasn't"**

"**Oh. Well, see ya Saturday, Bella!" he said as he jumped from the porch and ran to his car.**

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**Lying in bed that night, I thought about the major events that had happened the last few days. Edward leaving, dumping Mike, finding out that Jacob was a werewolf. That last one was a real shocker. What would Edward think if he knew that I was hanging around with a werewolf? Would he care? Well, he wasn't here now, so it doesn't matter.**

**For once, I wasn't waiting for Edward, and I fell asleep quickly.**

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"**Edward! I found you!" We were standing in his meadow. I couldn't stop smiling.**

"**Bella," his voice was calm. He started walking towards me. "I was wondering when you'd come back."**

"**Come back? But Edward, I wasn't the one who left. Edward… Edward?" my voice came worried now.**

"**Bella, I've missed you so much. And you smell so good!" It was then that I saw his eyes. A red so dark, it was nearly black. He was running towards me now, a crazed look on his face.**

"**EDWARD!" came my blood curdling scream. I felt something sharp digging into my neck, and everything went black.**

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**I woke up screaming. I sat up and looked around. My neck still hurt, even after the dream had ended. I touched the back of my neck with my hand. It can back with a small splotch of blood on my palm. I looked down. There on my pillow was a pin that my mother had given me when I was five. It said "Mommy's little girl" in pink letters. That must be why my neck was bleeding… But how did it get there? It should have been in my memory box on the top of my shelf… I looked up to see that one side of the shelf had fallen, leaving the shelf slanted, causing the box on top to slide onto the shelf below it. But the box's top had fallen off, and the pin had slipped out, and landed on my pillow. Huh. I hadn't looked in that box forever.**

**I took down the box from the shelf, and looked inside. Among other things there was a picture of me as a baby; a ring that I had gotten from my grandmother before she died; my baptism dress; a pair of ballet shoes, ones from when I was destined to be a ballerina before we realized that I was such a klutz; a picture of me and Jacob, both shirtless, covered in mud; and the CD that Edward had made for me. I put it in my CD player, and my lullaby filled the room. A single tear slid down my cheek. I turned of the music, and lay back in my bed and fell asleep.**

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**As far as I knew, the bonfire would start as soon as it got dark. it normally got dark around eight, but I drove down to LaPush at six thirty. Jacob was standing there when I drove in.**

"**Hey, Bella," he said after I got out of my truck.**

"**Hey, Jake."**

"**The bonfire doesn't start for another hour."**

"**Yeah. I figured I would just come to see you. Wanna take walk on the beach?"**

"**Yeah, sure," he said, smiling.**

**We took the shortcut through the woods that we took when he first told me about vampires and werewolves. The path opened up onto the beach. We started walking. Suddenly, I tripped over a rock. Just my luck. And to make things better, Jacob was holding my hand, so I ended up pulling him down with me. We both landed in the pebbly sand. He was laughing.**

"**Bella, I don't think this will ever wear off," he said.**

"**What? The clumsiness? Yeah, I don't think so either.**

"**Well, Bella, that's okay. I like you just the way you are." We lay there staring into each other's eyes, his eyes an intense brown so dark it was almost black, and mine, chocolate colored. Suddenly, staring into his beautiful eyes, I didn't really feel so alone anymore. I'm not sure how long we were lying there, just looking into each other's eyes, but it was dark when Jacob looked away.**

"**Uh, Bella, if we wait much longer, we're gonna miss it," he said hesitantly.**

**I blushed. Maybe he couldn't see it as well in the dark. "Yeah, we should go," I agreed. He stood up and helped me get to my feet. He grabbed my hand again, and we headed towards the fire.**

**When we arrived, everyone was chatting happily in the glow of the fire. As soon as we sat down, Billy looked around and started talking.**

"**For centuries," he started. "the werewolves and vampires have abided by a treaty. The vampires will not cross our boarders, and we will not cross theirs. They will not hunt on our land, and we will not hunt on theirs. We have lived by this treaty since time began, and we have lived in harmony. As long as they are near, the werewolves will continue to exist. While they are gone, only those who have changed remain werewolves. Tonight we celebrate the leaving of our enemies.**

**Werewolves channel their anger and faze from man to wolf, protecting all humans from the vampires' need for blood. We are the peace keepers of the planet. We have saved many lives, but ended some too." Billy took a long stick from near him. He put the tip of it into the fire, and brought it out. The tip was burning. He drew in the air the story of the werewolves and vampires, leaving a trail of light in the sky.**

**Right now, all I could feel was Jacob's arm around me, and the fiery warmth of his skin. I lean my head against his shoulder. I felt my eyes drooping, and my eyes closed a little longer after each blink. Slowly all the sounds faded. I stopped hearing the crackling sounds of the fire, and Billy's voice, now hardly a murmur, disappeared too.**

"**Bella?" Jacob's soft voice penetrated my wall of sleepiness.**

"**Jacob?" I mumbled. I sat up and opened my eyes.**

**He chuckled. "Hey Bells. You fell asleep."**

**I looked around. All the long seats were long since empty, and the fire was just a glowing mass of coals. "Oh, Jacob! I fell asleep! I'm so sorry!"**

"**It's okay Bella," he said. "It's hard not to fall asleep at your first bonfire."**

"**Jake, I'm so sorry. I should get going," I said. I started to stand up, but Jacob held me down. He pulled my face close to his.**

"**Bella, why do you put yourself down all the time? Bella, your so beautiful, but you refuse to see it."**

"**Jake…"**

"**Bella, tell me that you don't want me like I want you. Tell me."**

"**Jacob I can't. Not yet." I got up and walked to my car, leaving Jacob by the fire pit. I sat down in my car, but I didn't turn it on or put on my seat belt. I sat in the driver's seat and cried. I cried because I wanted him, too, and because I was too afraid to tell him. I don't know when I stopped crying, but when I looked up, Jacob was standing by my door. I opened it, got out. I ran into his arms and cried.**

"**Shh… Bella, it's okay. It'll be okay," he said.**

**When I had calmed down I looked at Jacob's face. He really was cute. "Jake?"**

"**Yeah, Bella?"**

"**I want you too."**

**He smiled at me like I had never seen him smile before. "Bella, you should probably get going, or Billy will get worried."**

"**Yeah, I know," I said, agreeing with him. "Is it okay if I come tomorrow?"**

"**That would be great."**

"**Bye, Jacob," I said as I was climbing into my tuck. "see you tomorrow."**

**Jacob stood there while in drove out of sight. I couldn't wait for tomorrow. I had a great idea for something to do, I'd just need to get them first.**

**I tried not to make too much noise, because Charlie might be seeping. I saw the faint glow of the television dimly lighting part of the kitchen.**

"**Bella?" I heard a sleepy voice call from the living room.**

"**Yeah Charlie?" I asked.**

"**Did you have fun tonight?"**

"**Yeah. Lots. Goodnight Charlie, see you in the morning." I called on my way to my room.**

"**You too," he said, already half asleep.**

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**Lying in my bed that night, teeth brushed and hair combed, I thought of Jacob. His eyes, his face, his short hair. I had wanted to melt in his arms. I had wanted him to hold me and never let go. I did want him. I wanted him to be mine, and only mine. I wanted him to look at me like he had never looked at me before. I wish that I had kissed him, and that I hadn't been to afraid to do it. But there was always tomorrow. I would tell him exactly how I felt tomorrow. I drifted off to sleep, and I felt good.**

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"**Don't be scared Bella," said his voice. It was emotionless, like stone.**

"**I'm not scared," I replied, even though we both knew that I was.**

"**Bella, you shouldn't lie to me, I'm a mind reader." His red eyes getting darker by the second.**

"**Yes, but you never could read my mind before."**

"**That's one of the advantages of human blood, Bella. It doesn't just strengthen my body, but it strengthens my mind, too." he started walking.**

"**Stay away from me, Edward."**

"**But Bella, you smell so good. I can't help myself. I just-"**

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**I woke up screaming again. Why did I keep having these dreams? I didn't usually have nightmares like this the last time I'd had one was in second grade, when my mom let me watch Dracula on TV.**

**I walked over to my dresser and turned on my lullaby. That seemed like the best way to calm myself down. I lay back down on my bed, and put my head on my pillow. Thoughts of Jacob flooded my head again, and I drifted off to sleep.**


	4. Chapter 4: Bikes

Nope, don't own it yet. Sorry about the painfully short chapters.

Before I headed out to Jacob's, I drove past a house I normally passed going to school. They had two motorbikes with a for sale sign on them. I walked up their front porch and rang the doorbell. A woman answered the door.

"Hello. Can I help you…?" she said looking puzzled.

"Hi, um, I was wondering if those bikes are still for sale, and if I could buy them from you?" I asked.

"Really? Both of them? They've been sitting there for a while, and they don't work anymore, but if you still want them…" she said looking surprised

"Yeah, they'd be perfect. How much?"

"Uh, well, why don't you just take them?" she said.

It was my turn to look surprised. "Really? Are you sure? Because I have the money for them, it's really not a problem."

"No, that's fine. Just take them. Really, you'd be taking them off our hands. We don't need them," she added when she saw my look of uncertainty. "Nothing on them works anymore, so if you're planning on fixing them up, you'll really need the money. Right now, the only thing they're good for is basically scrap metal, but I'd rather someone find a good use for them."

"Well, okay. If you're sure and everything…"

"It's fine. I'll have one of the boys help you get them into your truck. Those bikes are really heavy."

"Okay. Thanks so much," I said.

"Justin!" she yelled into the house

"Honestly, it's no problem." Just then a red headed boy walked into the doorway. "Justin, honey, would you help her load those bikes into the car, please?

"Yeah, sure," he said obediently. We walked towards my truck. "Hey, you're Bella Swan, right?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry, do I know you?" I asked. I felt bad because I didn't know him, but he seemed to know me.

"No, probably not. You're one grade older than me. I'm a freshman. I have a twin brother Joseph."

"Oh, cool."

"Yeah, you were going out with Edward Cullen, right?"

"Uh, yeah. But, uh, he, uh, moved somewhere else. His family, uh, likes to, uh, travel."

"Oh. Bummer."

"Yeah…" I think I'm getting better at dealing with this whole Edward thing. "Well, thanks for your help, Justin," I said after he had loaded the bikes into the back of my truck. "I'll see you around, I guess."

"Yeah, see ya 'round, Bella," he said, grinning. His grin was a little crooked, but it didn't look near as nice as Edward's did. I climbed into my truck and started driving towards LaPush. I think Jacob will enjoy doing this. He likes to make his own cars, why not a motorbike or two?

Jacob was waiting for me when I drove into his dirt driveway. "Hey, Bella!" he said when I got out of my truck.

"Hey, Jake," I said as he wrapped me into a hug.

As he pulled away he said, his eyes on the bikes in the back of my truck, "Hey, um, what are those for?"

"Oh, those? They're nothing. I just thought that maybe you might like to help me make them work again. You know how you like to fix up cars and stuff? Yeah, I thought you might like to do that. Of course, you don't have to, and we could just take them to the dump…" He was already lifting the bikes out of the truck, his face shining like a little kid's on Christmas morning.

"Bella, this will be so cool!" he exclaimed. "But we'll need a lot of parts, and they won't be cheap."

"Yeah, I know, I've got the money. Just tell me what we'll need and I'll go buy it and come back next weekend."

"Really? Are you sure you want to pay for all that stuff?"

"Yeah, Jake, it's fine. Why would I get the bikes and make you pay to fix them up, even though it was my idea? Right, Jake, 'cause I would totally do that."

"Okay, let's go check out the bikes first." He lifted the bikes from the truck like they were a couple of feathers. We rolled the bikes to the garage, which was like a moderately large shed, or a very small garage. There was just enough room for all of Jacob's tools, his car, the two bikes, and us.

"Sorry that it's really small in here," he said. He was right, it was really small. We were practically pressed together. Not that I minded very much, anyhow.

"Yeah, I'll try to stay out of you way," I said.

"Stay out of my way? Bella, you're gonna work on these with me. We, you and me, are gonna fix these up together," he said with finality in his voice.

"Uh, Jake, really? I mean, it's me, Bella the klutz? I'll hurt the bikes more then they could ever hurt me! It wouldn't even be a fair fight!"

"Now, Bella, that's not true," he said.

"Are you serious? I'm actually quite surprised I haven't hurt anything in here yet." Just then, my foot hit an tire that was propped up against the wall, and it started rolling. It rolled until it hit a shelf full of tools, causing several to fall off of it. They clattered to the floor. "And I jinxed it."

Jacob started laughing uncontrollably. "Uh, Jake? I'm not really seeing all the funniness of that." Jacob had stopped laughing so hard, and pretended to wipe a fake tear from his eye.

"Bella, I'm pretty sure you're the only person that could cause damage in a place as small as this."

"Yeah, I think we should get out of here soon, or I'll knock the roof off this place."

"Unfortunately, you may be correct."

"Ha! I told you!" Jacob started laughing again.

"But I'll just have to risk that, won't I?" With that, he bent down to look at the bikes. "Well," he said. "They'll definitely need new motors, and the brakes are kaput. You'll probably want shocks, too."

"Shouldn't we paint them or is the rusted over look good enough for you?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah, maybe we should paint them…"

"Good, so it's settled. Yours will be black, and mine will be red."

"Okay, cool," said Jacob, smiling.

"So far we need: two motors, brakes, shocks, gas, oil, black and red paint, and chains. Anything else?"

"Not right now, but we might need some more stuff later."

"Okay. Well, it's a start."

We walked through the woods like we did last time, and we ended up on the beach. I kept myself on the lookout for those pesky rocks. "Ha," I said as I stepped over the rock that I thought I might have tripped over last time. Jacob was laughing at this. Suddenly, Jacob pulled me down on top of him.

Jacob must have seen my curious look because he said, "Uh, I tripped on a rock?"

I looked around us. There were no rocks capable of tripping anyone. "What rock?" I started to say but he was already pulling my lips to his. I didn't try to stop him this time. This was different than kissing Edward. Jacobs lips were warm and soft, while Edwards were cold and hard. Jacob kissed me like he didn't know what he was doing, but Edward always seemed to know exactly what to do. We finally pulled away.

"Bella? Was that okay to do? Or is that not allowed?" he asked me worriedly.

"If it wasn't okay, would I do this?" I said, smiling, and pulled his face back to mine.


	5. Chapter 5: Mind Games

I was laying in my bed that night thinking to myself. It was then that a horrible thought occurred to me. Oh my God. I kissed Jacob. How could I kiss Jacob? He's my best friend! This is horribly wrong!

I was thinking of that as the world became a fuzzy haze as I drifted off to sleep.

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"Hello, Bella." The tone of his voice was empty. Hard like stone. It sent a shudder up my spine. "I'm rather surprised that you're giving up so easily. That you can just go on like this. You know you're worthless. You always were until I came along."

"Shut up, Edward," I said. Like always, my voice betrayed me, showing the fear, showing the hurt.

He continued on. "I thought I could make something of you. Change you into something. I was wrong. You're still the stupid, insignificant, little girl you've always been. You'll never amount to anything. I should have known. I. Should. Have. Known." He was angry now. His eyes blazing with fury. "You've never been able to look out for yourself! So dependant! I could never leave you alone! You'd kill yourself! I should have just let you die. You shouldn't be here. Now I'm going to right the wrong."

He was coming towards me now. "Who are you?" I asked.

"Don't be dumb, Bella," he replied.

"No, Edward. Who have you become? This isn't you, and you know it."

"Bella, dear," he said, still coming at me. "I didn't change. This is how I've always been. You've never known the real me. You never will." With that, he lunged toward me. And there was nothing I could do.

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"Bella!"

My eyes snapped open at the sound of my name.

"What!?!" I yelled. Charlie had startled me.

"Are you okay, Bella? You were screaming."

"I was?"

"Yeah. For Edward. Or at Edward. I couldn't tell." I could hear the displeasure in his tone.

"Oh. Um. Nightmare. Sorry to wake you." It was then that I looked at the clock. Three o'clock.

"Just checking up on you."

"Oh. Well. Uh, thanks, I guess." He was already on the way to his room. I must have been screaming pretty loud to wake Charlie. He was a very heavy sleeper. And even with that, his snoring was as loud as a chainsaw, and it takes a lot to penetrate that wall of sound.

I started thinking again.

"Do you like Jacob?"

"Yes, I think I do."

"Like-like Jacob? Or just 'like' with one like. Like you like him like a friend."

"Like-like."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't feel the same as when I was with Edward."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"How would you know? You can't read my mind. Not even Edward could do that. Ha! You think you're so smart, but you're not."

"I am your mind, so you basically just dissed yourself.."

"Oh. Right."

"Do you love Jacob?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love Jacob?"

"No. Not yet, anyway."

"Why not?"

"I loved Edward, and it takes time to heal over that kind of stuff. Besides, I haven't hung around Jacob long enough to know."

"Does he love you?"

"How should I know? Am I Jacob?"

"Let me rephrase that. Do you think Jacob loves you?"

"Yes, I do."

"And why is that?"

"I don't know. Maybe the way he looks at me and takes too long to look away. Maybe it's because he looks at me like he's seeing the world for the first time. But, Like I said, I don't know."

"You seem scared. Are you scared?"

"Yes"

"Because of your dream?"

"No."

"Why, then?"

"What if he does love me?"

"I thought it was my job to ask the questions."

"You're me, and I'm you. What does it matter?"

"True…"

I went on arguing with myself for another hour or so, slowly losing consciousness, the conversations becoming loopier and loopier.

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All too soon, I heard Charlie's cruiser backing out of the gravel driveway, and into the road. It was six o'clock. I rolled over, and snuggled farther into the covers. After fifteen minutes, I realized that this wasn't going to work. I was already awake, why not do something? I got up and took a shower.

I put the water on, as high as it would go. I stepped into the tub. The streams of water hit me like fiery hot bullets. Suddenly the water went ice cold.

"Eeek!" I screamed. The sudden contrast surprised me. I hate surprises. The water ran in icy cold torrents down my back and neck, even after the water was turned off.

I walked into my room to get dressed. I pick out what I normally wore when I was at home. My favorite sweats, a tee-shirt, and my socks with little moons and stars all over them.. Alice would be so displeased. Oh no! She's begun to wear off on me!

I hopped downstairs, and made some eggs for myself. Luckily, Charlie usually ate cereal for breakfast, so I didn't really need to worry about some horrible, charred mess I would find in the sink. I sat down at the table to eat my scrambled eggs. I thought about how the boys at the reserve ate theirs with ketchup. That disgusted me. How could you eat eggs with ketchup? Gross. Hmmm… maybe I should make them something to eat. They ate so much, I wondered how it didn't all go to their thighs, even if they were werewolves. Now, what to make…? I could make cupcakes… Yeah, that's reasonable. But just how many should I make, exactly? Four, five dozen? Yeah, that sounds good. Six dozen it is.

I raided the refrigerator for the ingredients I would need to get from the store. Okay, I'd definitely need cake mix, frosting, and vegetable oil, since ours was basically gone. Let's see, cake mix usually needs about two eggs a batch, so about twelve eggs, but we'll also need another carton for everyday use, so two cartons of eggs. I could also get bananas and apples and strawberries. Charlie could eat more fruit, and, even though he won't admit it, I know he liked to eat them.

Altogether I had on my shopping list: Six boxes of cake mix, three of each of vanilla and chocolate; six cartons of frosting, three cartons of vanilla frosting, three cartons of chocolate frosting; two cartons of eggs; and two bottles of vegetable oil. Big list. But those boys could eat a lot. And I mean a lot.

I climbed into my ancient truck and began to drive. Soon enough, I was at a Stop & Shop. I grabbed a cart and entered the store. First, I'll go to the backing isle. Cake mix, cake mix, cake mix… ah, there we go. Chocolate, vanilla, carrot cake… orange? They make orange flavored cake? Really? Hmm… maybe I could make one of those, too. Why not? I grabbed three of vanilla and three chocolate, and one of the orange. Now frosting. I didn't need to look far. It was right there, next to all the cake things. Okay, let's see. Chocolate, vanilla, cream cheese… what? No orange? So you can have orange flavored cake, but not orange flavored frosting? Hypocrites. How can you have one and not the other? I guess cream cheese frosting will just have to do…

Now, vegetable oil should be in one of these isle over here… ah. There. Okay, canola oil, or standard vegetable oil. Wait, but there's also low fat and nonfat. Nonfat? How can oil be nonfat? It's oil, for god's sake! Okay, we'll stay away from the nonfat oil. Low fat should work just fine. Eggs… we need eggs. okay, so the eggs are down there, by the milk. Do we need milk? Well, Charlie was running low, so even though we don't really need it for baking, I could get some for him. Okay let's get these eggs picked out. I picked up the first carton, and opened it up. Oozy egg white dripped onto the floor. Okay, definitely not that one. The next two that I picked up were fine. I grabbed a carton of milk on my way to the checkout counters.

I walked up to the cash register with the least amount of people, which wasn't hard because there aren't many people at Stop & Shop at eight in the morning. I started loading the contents of my shopping cart onto the conveyer belt. I looked up. There was a boy who couldn't have been much older than me. He was smiling at me.

"Hey," he said in a voice that I suspected was supposed to sound sexy.

"Uh, hi," I replied.

"Are you stocking up on cakes for some reason…?" I didn't reply to that comment. "Hey, look, I get off work in three more hours. Maybe you'd like to come over my house later…"

"Er, no thanks."

"Are you sure?" he said, trying to be persuasive.

"Okay, you know what? No. I have a boyfriend, so layoff." Wait? Did I just say boyfriend? Wait. Did I mean Jacob, or Edward? Oh my.

He handed me the bags with my groceries in them, giving me a look that seemed to say "Are you crazy? I'm irresistible!" I took the grocery bags and left.

I drove my car home to see another car in the driveway. Jacob was here.


	6. Chapter 6: Jake and Some Cake

I grabbed the shopping bags from the passenger seat and walked into the house. I heard the television blaring from the living room. "Hey Bella!" said Jacob as he walked into view.

"Hey Jake," I said, sounding somewhat surprised. He pulled me into a kiss. When we finally pulled back I was slightly dizzy. "I, uh, wasn't expecting you to, uh, be here," I stammered.

"I couldn't wait to see you."

"So you came a eight o'clock on a Saturday morning to see me."

"Well, I thought even if you were sleeping, I could be here when you wake up…" Jake said.

"But I wasn't, and you came anyway," I replied coolly.

"Yup. I wasn't expecting you to be up. I came to a locked door." Then it occurred to me. I had locked the door, even though it probably wasn't necessary that I do that in Forks, I guess it was just a habit.

"Then how…?" I said gesturing to the door.

"I know where Charlie hides the key."

"Wait, so he'll tell you, but he won't tell me? Well, not like I hadn't figured out where it was within the first two weeks I was here, but still." I said.

"Maybe he didn't want you to tell the bloodsucker, so he could sneak over." I glared at him. "Sorry, uh, he didn't want Edward coming over."

"Edward wouldn't do that. And either way, he probably knew before I did, with him being a vampire and all."

"Yeah, but Charlie doesn't know that," Jacob said. He did have a point. "So, uh, watcha got there?"

"I was going to surprise you guys with some cupcakes, but I had to go buy all the stuff. That's where I was this morning."

"Oh. Well, you gonna need any help with those?"

"It depends. Do I?"

"Well, I'm not much of a baker, but I think I can handle some cupcakes."

"Oh can you?"

"Yes, I think I can." Jacob pulled me in for another kiss. "I think we should make some cupcakes," Jacob said.

"Yeah, I think so." Jacob had already started pawing through the shopping bags.

"Orange? Really, Bella. Orange."

"Werewolf? Really, Jacob. Werewolf."

"Hey!" yelled Jacob.

"See? How do you think those cupcakes feel? Now say sorry, Jacob Black."

"I'm sorry cupcakes," Jacob said to the box of cake mix.

"And what are you sorry for…?"

"I'm sorry I was being racist towards you for being orange flavored." Jacob looks at me. I was trying to contain my laughter at Jacob, giant and muscular, apologizing to a relatively tiny box of orange flavored cake mix.

"Now give it a hug and a kiss on the cheek."

"What am I? A preschooler?" said Jacob.

"Give it a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or you can go sit in the corner, Mister Black," I said with a superior tone.

"Yes Miss Swan," said Jacob, his voiced loaded with mock obedience. He gave he box a bone crushing hug. The box crumpled in his arms. "Oh no!" he yelled, pouting at the crumpled heap in his arms. I looked at the box. Orange powder was streaming through a tear in the box like sand in an hour glass.

"Oh Jacob," I said sounding exasperated.

"Uh, I'm not sure where the cheek would be located… Do I still have to kiss it?" I was still staring at the box. "Bella, I'm sorry."

"Poor, poor, little box. It was so young," I said, a tone of pity in my voice.

"I think we should give it a funeral in your backyard. Let's go," he said, holding the crumpled box in one hand, and my hand in the other. He led me to the backyard. When we got to a spot that seemed good enough to him, he let go of my hand, and placed the box in my arms. He dropped to his knees. He shoved his hand into the hard, cold ground. The cold didn't bother him, and he might as well have been digging in sand, what with hw easy he dug. Once he piled about five Jacob-sized handfuls of dirt out of the freezing ground, he had a decent sized hole in front of us. Jacob took the box from my arms and gently placed it in the crater he had dug. He picked up his pile of dirt and poured in over the grave. He stood back up.

"Should we say something on it's behalf?" I asked. He nodded slightly.

"Um, here lies the remains of a box of orange flavored Betty Crocker cake mix. It was an unusual flavor, and I'm sorry no one got to eat your yummy goodness. I'm sorry I was mean to you, and that I crushed you," said Jacob. He looked down at me leaning against his side as if to say he was done.

"Amen," I said quietly. Just then it started to rain. Fitting for a funeral of any sort.

When we got back inside Jacob said, "Sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to hurt it."

I looked at him. "Don't worry," I said. "Luckily, I was prepared for this." I walked over to where the bags where on the kitchen counter top, and pulled out another box of orange flavored cake mix out of one. "Tada!" I said.

"Yippee," said Jacob, less than enthusiastic. "Wait, you aren't going to make me apologize to it for hurting it's brother are you?"

"After seeing what you did to it's 'brother'? not a chance."

"Good. Hey!" yelled Jacob as he realized my joke. "That's it," he said, and started chasing me around the tiny kitchen. I clutched the cake mix to my chest and ran away, laughing and screaming at the same time. Jake caught me around my waist and started tickling me.

"No, Jake!" I said between fits of laughter. "Stop!" Jake finally stopped tickling me. I was out of breath from laughing so hard. I looked down in my hands. The cake box was only slightly dented, but other than that, there was no harm done. "Okay," I said "Let's Bake some cake." We walked back over to the working station.

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"No, Jake! That's too much frosting! You won't have enough to finish the last batch!"

"Screw the next batch."

"Don't make me make you say sorry to those cupcakes. They deserve that frosting just as much as those ones do," I said as Charlie walked through the door.

"Hey Charlie!" Jacob yelled across the kitchen. Charlie walked halfway into the kitchen and stopped. I looked around. The kitchen was a mess. There was a small puddle from when Jacob started pouring the cake batter too much too soon into the paper cups and overfilled the first cup. There were egg fragments on the counter from when Jacob accidentally leaned on an eggshell, crushing it into tiny pieces. And there was the mysterious looking orange dust strewn across the floor from when the box broke. Then I caught my reflection in the window. My face was streaked with batter and frosting, and my shirt was smudged with it too. And Jacob, who was wearing a shirt for once, was just as dirty. "Oh my gosh! Eight o'clock! I gotta go! Sorry Bella! I would help clean up, but I really need to go!" he said as he was running out the door.

"What happened?" asked Charlie, looking stunned..

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'll clean up the mess," I said. Way to go Jake just o and bail on me like that.

"No, Bella, it's not that. It's just, I haven't seen you this happy in a while and… it's different."

I was setting aside the cupcakes so I could wipe the counter off. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I think it's a good thing you started hanging around Jacob more often."

"Yeah, I missed talking to him. I'm glad too."

"Bella, if you start to feel a certain way towards Jacob-"

"Ew, dad. Please. Don't. Nothing's going to happen."

"Well, I tried."

"Did you eat dinner?" I asked.

"Yeah, I ate down at the lodge."

"Okay. I think I'll go take a shower after I finish cleaning up. I feel really dirty and gross."

"'Kay," said Charlie as he walked towards the living room to watch the game.

After I cleaned up Jacob's mess, I walked up the stairs to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stepped in without even waiting for the water to warm up. It was freezing, but it slowly got warmer. Eventually, it was warm enough to start scrubbing myself with soap. When my hair was washed, and my body was thoroughly scrubbed, I turned off the water. I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out of the tub. The mirror was fogged up, but I wiped away enough condensation to see my face. A smile was still beaming on my face. Charlie was right. I was a lot happier since I had started hanging out with Jacob. I brushed my teeth and went back to my room.

Sometimes I still half expected to see Edward there, waiting for me. As usual, no one was there. I put on my pajamas, wrapped a towel around my hair, and tried to get my dinosaur of a computer to wake up. Once it finally loaded, I checked my emails. There were no new messages in my inbox, so I shut it down again.

I dried my hair off with the towel and started brushing out all the tangles from the damp clumps. My hair wasn't totally curly, but it wasn't straight either. It never completely straightened, but it could hold curls just fine. It was a dull chocolate brown, and it always smelled like strawberries because of my shampoo. When I had brushed away the last snarl, I set my brush down and hung the soggy towel in the bathroom. I walked back into my room, and lay down on the bed.

"Well, all in all, that was a very fun day," I said to myself. Soon I had fallen into a sleepy dreamland.

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His chuckl rang out through the darkness. It sent shivers down my spine. "You keep coming back."

"What?" I asked. "I don't understand."

"You know, it is up to you. You don't have to see me every night, but you come back. It's like you can't let go. Don't you see something wrong with that, Bella? I'm surely not the only one who sees that." His body emerged from the darkness, as pale as the moon.

"This isn't up to me." It wasn't. I couldn't control these things, even if I needed to.

"It is, but you don't have the strength to tell yourself the truth. You need an excuse to keep me here, don't you?" Edward said menacingly.

"No, I'm happy now. I have Jacob. Jacob was here when you weren't. He was here for me. He'll never leave."

"Are you sure?" he asked in a tone that sounded like he knew something that I didn't.

"Yes, Edward. I'm sure." This must have angered him, because instead of facing me, he was behind me now. I could feel his cold breath on my neck.

"Then choose. Him or me." I refused to answer. "Last chance. Him or me. Choose. Now."

"No."

He chuckled. "Your funeral," he said, and he sank his teeth into my skin.

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I woke up with a jolt. At least I hadn't been screaming. Well, if I had, it didn't wake Charlie. I plopped my head back down onto the pillow.

"If you did have to choose, who would you pick?"

"Well, since I don't have to choose, I don't see why it matters."

"Yes, but if you did have to?"

"I'd wait if Edward was back. If he was back, then I'd decide, but since that doesn't seem like it will happen anytime soon, I believe the case remains moot."

"Well."

"Is that all?"

"I guess so."

"Good night."

At least the conversation I held with myself was a lot shorter than last night's. That was a good sign. Maybe I wasn't crazy after all. I fell back into a hazy sleep, and woke up to my alarm. It was Monday.


End file.
